My Kingdom for a Sales Person

So we have finally hit the point that we are ready to hire a sales person...

WANTED

One or more top notch sales person(s) to build a crack sales team. Ideal candidates will be personable, self-starters with unbelievable patience and a sense of humor. Advertising sales, B2B, management, and/or start-up experience a strong plus. Generous commission based compensation plan with benefits. Computer literacy a must.

Pretty straight forward really...why is it then that better then half of the resumés that I have received thus far don't even list sales experience. What makes these people think that their time as a hostess in a Denny's after they graduated high school last year qualifies them to run a sales organization? I am all for aiming high but come on...don't waste your time and mine even replying to the ad.

Some observations from the resumés that I have seen to date:

1) Don't make simple spelling and grammatical mistakes in the sentence that describes how detail oriented you are.
2) Do not state in your resumé that you are very computer literate and submit a poorly formatted (actually nearly indecipherable) text document as your resumé.
3) Do not submit an email cover letter with your resumé attached that is blank or just reads "call me thx. Send from my iPhone".
4) Do not put as you top qualification that you are competent using email and then fax in your resumé.
5) Do not describe your ability to use "clear and concise communication skills" in a resumé that is 4 pages single spaced and include run-ons and sentence fragments.
6) No matter what never, NEVER list a prison guard or a parole officer as a reference...even if they are just family friends.

The funny thing about going through all of these resumés is that looking back at my early career resumés I realize that I made some pretty silly mistakes in them. Ones that today if I saw the same things in a resume crossing my desk it would have a one way trip to my circular file. So maybe when interviewing we need to give people a little slack and see how they comport themselves face to face and not judge the book by it's cover letter.